Alright ya rascals, Uncle Pie Baron's gonna teach you a thing or two about Étouffée, a Cajun dish so frickin' tasty you'll collapse to the floor on your first bite and curse your parents for not introducing it to you earlier. For starters, it's pronounced "ey-too-fey" so now you won't sound like as much of a idiot as I do when attempting French, a vile mud language if there ever was one. Our North Atlantic cousins have often been a crude and brutish lot towards the Bretons and Alsatians, but from time to time they cough up something worthwhile, like the Statue of Liberty and the Situationist International. Their influence on the cuisine of Louisiana also deserves a nickle in the tip jar as well.
Here's what you'll need:
2 pounds of frozen shrimp
1 cup margarine
1 cup white flour
3 large white onions
1 green bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
1 stalk of celery
1 cup green onion tops
4 cloves garlic
1 teaspoon salt
Tabasco sauce to taste
Pepper to taste
4 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
2 cups rice
Start by setting aside your frozen shrimp to thaw while you cook. Now dice the onions, bell peppers, and celery. Melt that margarine in as big a frying pan as you can muster, on medium. Dump your pile of diced vegetables into the melted margarine and stir. When everything is fully coated, add the flour and stir like the dickens. Cook until the vegetables are thoroughly tender and the flour has slightly browned, making a paste-like consistency. Chop up your garlic and green onion tops, toss them in, keep stirring. Add the shrimp, stir a few minutes until fully soft and pink. Add salt and Worcestershire sauce. Serve on a bed of rice. Add Tabasco sauce to taste. Makes enough for four people.
A few cautionary reminders:
--I tried making this on an electric stove once and instead of a thick, savory sauce it turned into a caramelized disaster. My dear pal Yancy didn't mind the chunks of grainy margarine as much as I did, but then again he is an Avaricious Beast. Maybe you'll have better luck than your poor unfortunate Baron, but beware. Natural gas for the win.
--Buy clean shrimp. I know it's kind of fashionable to assert that Real Men don't worry about cancer or degenerative brain disease, but BP hasn't bought us a new Gulf yet and imported shrimp come from toxic cesspools of their own. Farmed non-Gulf American shrimp is probably your best choice.
--Tabasco is a must. Even if you're afraid of spicy food, eye contact with strangers, or your own shadow, one dash of the stuff changes the entire meal. Give it a shot and I'll be your best friend forever. Now go out and tip your local Frenchman.
